A Letter to Sickle Cell by Valerie Matthe

F you
You make my life a living hell
I hate you
But thank you
You taught me some important lessons
But I still hate you
I don’t know what my life would be without you
For years I wouldn’t have known what or who I
wanted to be if you weren’t in my life
I guess I liked the security
You have made me miss so much out of life
and put me through so much pain
It makes me so angry and sad and crazy
that it kills me
I’ve also got some questions for you
Like why me?
What did I do to deserve all this pain?
If I knew I’d try almost anything to get rid of this pain
but I don’t and I can’t so I have to figure out how to live with the pain
You’ve also taught me some great lessons
I’ve learned to always bring a jacket everywhere,
even when it’s warm
Staying hydrated
Learning how to deal with physical pain
You also taught me how to be cute and accessorize while staying sickle cell safe
Catching up fast on school after I’ve been out for however long with a crisis
I learned how to take care of myself at a young age
so I was able to take my meds myself whenever I needed to
I also learned a lot from being in the
hospital so much
It’s hard to know what to say to you
For years I wanted to part with you
And now that I am
I’m not sure how I’m gonna live without you
I’m angry at you
For making me only know you my entire life
I don’t know what I’m gonna do now
And I’m scared

Because I always knew what I was gonna do
when I had you, I had a plan
When I had you when something went wrong I feel like I had something to blame it on
Now when I fail it’s on me,
because I wasn’t good enough,
because I’m a failure
Through the process of trying to take you
out of my life
I also took out what I knew I wanted to do
for the rest of my life
So now what do I do when I have options on what I can do going forward that I never had?
I don’t know what to do
I feel lost
I feel like I’m losing a friend
At the end of the day
maybe I didn’t hate you that much
You made me into who I am
I hope I love myself as much without you
as I do with you

About the author: “My name is Valerie Matthe. I was born in Haiti in 2005 and came to America when I was 5 years old. I have a big, close-knit family who I love dearly. They inspire me to be myself and they have supported me throughout my life. I am Christian and I always try to build a stronger relationship with God. I love writing about the things that I have experienced to help other people who are experiencing similar things. I like writing about my thoughts because it is a way for me to express myself. I always try to create positive artwork and writings that can inspire other people. My poem is dedicated to my family.”