BW Black Love Series: Improve Your Relationships By Loving Yourself


The one thing people who seek love rarely consider is that it all starts with YOU. How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? You can only expect a partner to help you if you are confident that you are worthy of love. And that’s where self-care comes into the picture.

There are so many relationships that start great and end up not so great. The reasons for that are numerous: lack of self-love, lack of emotional intimacy, lack of communication, lack of compassion, lack of affection, or a combination thereof.

However, the capacity to provide what the other person needs for emotional intimacy goes a long way toward making both you and your relationship stronger. When you genuinely love yourself, you can provide what your partner needs to feel loved, understood, and connected to you.

Many of us are so busy that we tend to neglect loving ourselves. We neglect ourselves without realizing that self-neglect causes resentment toward those whom we love in our lives who want our love and attention. What we fail to realize is the importance of putting ourselves first. No, it is not selfish. You cannot have true Black Love with anyone if you dont love yourself.

It is only possible to meet the needs of others effectively by first being balanced in our own lives. Loving yourself will not only prove to be a positive experience, but it will also improve your relationships with others.

It is only possible to meet the needs of others effectively by first being balanced in our own lives. Loving yourself will not only prove to be a positive experience, but it will also improve your relationships with others.

When we realize our needs are not being met, we become resentful and ultimately withdraw the help and support we so freely offered others. If we neglect our basic needs, we will become very quickly drained of our energy, too exhausted to spend any time on ourselves. However, by focusing on putting ourselves first, we can regain that lost energy, giving us endless vitality and love to direct toward others.

Let’s not get this twisted; loving yourself does not mean running from one person to the next, seeking some fix or adrenaline rush. No, that’s a sickness. That’s a broken conscious understanding of loving yourself, and I suggest you seek counseling.

Loving and taking better care of yourself holistically and spiritually develops the cornerstone for you to be in a holistic and spiritually loving relationship with someone else. When we are happy with the level of attention we give ourselves, our energy overflows, and we are anxious to help fulfill the needs of those around us whom we love. Unfortunately, many of us don’t even seek happiness this way; even after all the other foolishness fails, we still dismiss that real Black Love exists on a spiritual level. Everyone wins when we learn to love ourselves holistically and spiritually. I have listed the following tips to get started:

Using Prayer and Meditation to Calm Anxiety and Stress. If you feel anxious from time to time, that’s completely normal. When anxiety overwhelms you, and you have no spiritual outlook, you often take it out on the loved ones close to you. Or you might be tempted to seek solace in prescription medication, alcohol, or drugs. These methods, though, inherently bring problems of their own.

Your worries can be transformed into peace with prayer or meditation. When you start your journey toward personal peace through prayer or meditation, expect to conquer your anxiety, stress, and negative feelings. However, avoid assuming you’ll do it in one day or even a week. It took time to get where you are, and it’ll take time to get back to where you want to be.

Live a healthy lifestyle. How can we expect to accomplish great things if we cannot meet life’s most basic needs? Eat healthy by replacing excess sugar and refined foods with whole foods and lots of water. Give your body the ability to effectively burn the fuel you take in by exercising daily, thereby increasing your metabolism. Make sure to get plenty of sleep as well, as our minds do not fully function if they haven’t been allowed to recharge properly. When you do these things consistently, you will notice your attitude will change; you will see situations clearer and be more open to being loved and loving.

Expressing yourself is one of the best ways to take care of yourself mentally it frequently expresses how you feel. This can be done in several ways. Mentally, we can express ourselves on paper.

Keeping a personal journal where you can vent when needed will help keep emotions in check. Creative expression is also essential, such as allowing yourself to feel and experience a wide range of emotions in a rented movie or working on a hobby that is close to your heart. Photography and other visual arts are suitable for this. Remember, expressing ourselves creatively is as important as doing so mentally.

Lose the need to be right. Winning arguments with your partner are overrated, childish, and unhealthy. After all, what value does being right really have? Insisting that the other person agrees that you’re right and they’re wrong does nothing to increase positive feelings or strengthen the bond between you.

In a relationship with Black Love, it is not about being right, it is about reaching a goal, understanding, and a solution to a problem. It only feeds your ego, and having an ego bigger than the love of you and your partner will only lead to a destructive relationship.

Black love is being a team; stop competing with your partner. If you feel the need to be competitive with your partner, you have to recognize your own insecurity and envy. According to experts, being too competitive leads to resentment in relationships. With competition, partners view each other as rivals instead of being in love. Black Love is Teamwork, and it’s a oneness! The oneness of Black Love is mutual support and unity on multiple fronts, including finances, parenting, chores, sex, and emotional intimacy. Usually, the oneness of Black Love requires an intentional effort from both partners and a willingness to be equal and share power in all aspects of life.

Forgive your past self. Sure, you’ve made some mistakes and probably done and said a few awful things along the way. But that period of your life is over now. Why drag the past into the present? You can make a fresh start each day. Let it go.

Forgiving others. As it is important to forgive yourself, It’s just as important to learn to forgive. Holding onto grudges or resentments only hurts you. It can lead to bad moods, depression, or even health conditions. When you hold onto resentment, you allow a situation to burden the future of your relationship.
Forgiveness is the right choice to make, but it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten what happened. You might even still hold someone else accountable for the wrong. With forgiveness, you’re simply deciding to move on with your life. It is your superpower to love yourself!

Please spend some time alone. To appreciate ourselves more, we should get to know ourselves better. Some may think this will have the reverse effect, but think positively! You would be surprised what becoming introspective will reveal. Discover yourself and learn to love it. Go for a scenic drive. Take a long bath. Surround yourself with music or quietly meditate. Not only will you appreciate your company more, but the relaxation will work wonders for your state of mind. Your relationships will improve if others sense your renewed energy and love of life.

Finally, F@ck Social Media, stay in your reality! Social Media can become a threat to your romantic relationship when meaning and boundaries are not clearly defined and agreed upon. As well as when couples fall into a comparison trap. Unfortunately, a growing number of us see the world through the eyes of social media. We have been culturally conditioned to believe our lives and our relationships should be like those that post we see. Comparing our lives with others can raise doubts about self-worth and our relationships and potentially lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

The key to living the life you want and finding the partner you want to share it with is learning to love yourself. Loving yourself can help you enjoy more happiness, overcome challenges, and build healthier relationships and Black Love. Make it a habit to treat yourself with kindness and respect. Keep these tips in mind to develop greater self-love, and you’ll find that great things will happen!

A multifaceted personality, Damon is an activist, author, and the force behind Black Westchester Magazine, a notable Black-owned newspaper based in Westchester County, New York. With a wide array of expertise, he wears many hats, including that of a Spiritual Life Coach, Couples and Family Therapy Coach, and Holistic Health Practitioner. He is well-versed in Mental Health First Aid, Dietary and Nutritional Counseling, and has significant insights as a Vegan and Vegetarian Nutrition Life Coach. Not just limited to the world of holistic health and activism, Damon brings with him a rich 32-year experience as a Law Enforcement Practitioner and stands as the New York Representative of Blacks in Law Enforcement of America.


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