New York Rabbis push George Latimer to challenge Congressman Jamaal Bowman for House seat
Dozens of rabbis and other Jewish leaders are pushing Westchester County Executive George Latimer in New York to challenge Representative Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) for his congressional seat next year.
In a letter to the New York Democrat, the Jewish leaders cited Bowman’s refusal to support Israel as going against their values and justifying a run against him. They said Bowman “brought a deeply concerning agenda to Washington,” particularly his “damaging” position toward “America’s relationship with Israel.”
Dear Mr. Latimer,
We are rabbis from across the Jewish denominational spectrum. While we represent congregations and organizations throughout New York’s 16th Congressional District, today, we are writing in our personal capacities, to urge you to announce your run for Congress.
For over three decades, our community was represented in Congress by a Democratic champion who consistently delivered for the people of Westchester and represented our core values in Washington, especially in unwavering support for Israel’s safety and security.
Three years ago, Jamaal Bowman unseated Eliot Engel and brought a deeply concerning agenda to Washington. Many of us tried to engage the Congressman early in his term, seeking constructive dialogue about the damaging positions he took – especially on matters related to America’s relationship with Israel.
Regrettably, Congressman Bowman disregarded our outreach and doubled down on his anti-Israel policy positions and messaging.
Last April, many of us signed an open letter to Bowman citing his troubling record and urging him to change course.
We were once again met with silence – and then, even more damaging actions in Congress. Bowman boycotted President Herzog’s historic speech, refused to sign a resolution that rejected Israel as a racist or apartheid state, and voted against legislation supporting the Abraham Accords and celebrating Israel’s 75th anniversary of statehood.
Last week, more than 1,300 Israelis were brutally massacred by Hamas terrorists. Thousands of others were physically, sexually, and psychologically injured, to say nothing of the nearly 200 taken hostage. Your statement of unequivocal support for our ally was immensely appreciated by our community.
Inexplicably, but predictably, while Congressman Bowman condemned the attacks, he put the blame on Israel for its “blockade of Gaza.” He now is calling for an immediate ceasefire, effectively a position of appeasement toward Hamas’s terror regime.
Since being elected, Bowman has led the effort to erode support for Israel on Capitol Hill and within the Democratic Party. That’s why we’re turning to you, in the hope that you will announce your candidacy for Congress and restore our values to this important seat in Washington.
Your election would be a vital course correction from the last three years. We are behind you, and we know that our communities will strongly support you if you enter the race. Your remarks at the Westchester Jewish Council Community Rally on Tuesday, October 10th, gave us great hope that you would bring the same unflinching moral courage and conviction to an office where it is desperately needed at this crucial time.
We look forward to hearing from you soon and continuing our dialogue.
The Honorable Pearl C. Quarles was a person of many “firsts.” Quarles was the first African-American woman to serve as a Westchester County Legislator, the first African-American woman to serve as Vice Chair of the Board of Legislators, and the first African-American to serve as president of the New Rochelle Board of Education. Queen Mother Pearl was an exceptional woman and a trailblazer—the first African American Westchester County Legislator, the first African American President of the New Rochelle Board of Education, and the first African American to be hired in a ‘white collar’ position in Westchester County’s banking industry. She was also the first female chair of the Shiloh Baptist Church board of trustees in New Rochelle. Through her service as a legislator, a business professional, a religious leader, President of the Westchester Black Women’s Political Caucus, a leader in the New Rochelle NAACP, and myriad other roles, The Honorable Pearl Quarles personified public service. She left an indelible mark on our community and on all who knew her, and she will be greatly missed. She is the first African-American to be hired in a “white-collar” position in Westchester’s banking industry.
In addition, Mrs. Quarles, who was a proud Republican, served as the first female chair of the board of trustees of Shiloh Baptist Church in New Rochelle and was a longtime member of the executive committee of the New Rochelle chapter of the NAACP. In addition, she has been active in many local organizations, including The New Rochelle League of Women Voters, Sister to Sister International, and the Westchester Black Women’s Political Caucus, and was a member of the New Rochelle school board from 1971 through 1980.
Most of Quarles’s business experience has been in accounting, and she served as the comptroller and office manager at a major private company for 19 years. In addition to serving as a legislator, she worked for Westchester County as a specialist in job development and employee training. Quarles has always been a volunteer at numerous community organizations and currently serves on the board of directors at United Hebrew, a health care and rehabilitation facility in New Rochelle.
In 2015, Ms. Quarles was inducted into the Westchester County Hall Of Fame at the age of 86. On Wednesday, September 6th, at the age of 92, she transitioned in the morning at New Rochelle Hospital. Black Westchester celebrates the life and legacy of the Honorable Pearl C. Quarles
I’m happy I was able to offer her flowers while she was still living, and the above is an excerpt from my latest book, Black Westchester Celebrates Black Women of Westchester. She read what I wrote about her in the book, appreciated it, and thanked me for including her. On Saturday, March 4, 2023, during a book signing hosted by the White Plains/Greenburgh NAACP and the Westchester AKAs at the Greenburgh Public Library, WBWPC President Subomi Macauley presented Mother Quarles with a copy of the book and snapped the picture below.
In celebration of her Life and Legacy, we compiled a collection of comments, quotes, and memories from those who knew her best and whose lives she touched.
On behalf of the entire membership of the Westchester Black Women’s Political Caucus, Inc., particularly the New Rochelle Chapter, we extend our sincere sympathies on the passing of our first countywide treasurer, Hon. Pearl Christian Quarles. – Subomi Macauley, WBWPC President
I have fond memories of Pearl. She was a fierce warrior and a woman who was willing to stand alone on her convictions. I often went to Pearl for wise counsel. Not only is this a deep loss for the Caucus, but the Black community and Westchester County as a whole. May her indelible legacy live on. Madame Legislator, we salute you. – Nicole Benjamin, WBWPC Countywide First Vice President
The Yonkers Chapter would like to send our deepest condolences to the family of Pearl C. Quarles, whom we referred to as “Queen Mother Pearl,” a remarkable, kind, elegant, and beautiful woman with whom we relied as a voice of importance. We pray to the Lord for the peace of Pearl’s family, friends, and Caucus Chapter Sisters. – The Yonkers Chapter of Westchester Black Women’s Political Caucus
Mother Pearl was a trailblazer & a leader for the Black community for decades. She was so full of love for everyone and exemplified competence, excellence, and grace. She loved being a member of the NAACP and we loved her so much. She will be greatly missed. – Elder Mark McLean, President of New Rochelle NAACP
One of the classiest Women I know loved her Rest In Paradise Mrs Quarles – Cookie Alexander-Campbell
Rest In Heavenly Peace My Forever Friend. I’ve known you since I was five years old. You were Mom’s lifelong friend. The memories and countless conversations that we had will forever be dear to my heart. I will always be your little Rosa. – Rosa Metz
It is with great sadness that I share with my reunion family the passing of Mrs. Pearl Quarles, the beautiful mother of Ernst “Ernie” Quarles, a fellow classmate, and his sister Donna Quarles. Mrs. Quarles was a pillar of our community and the FIRST African-American woman to serve as a Westchester County Legislator. Overall, she was just a wonderful individual, a trailblazer. There wasn’t a time when you’d run into her that she wasn’t advocating for someone or something, but before the conversation ended, she would have that big, beautiful smile on her face and begin encouraging you too. That was a huge part of her life to support and uplift others, and I thank God to have met her because she was a person determined to make a difference in those whose paths she crossed. Mrs. Pearl Quarles was such a joy to talk to and a true queen of New Rochelle who will be missed by many. May she rest in eternal peace. – Cindy Bailey Hubbard, 1973 New Rochelle High Class Reunion
The City of New Rochelle, the Queen City of the Sound, has lost its Queen. Mrs. Quarles poured into everyone she met. Her CV is full of accomplishments, and her life was full of acts of caring and kindness. In addition to her husband, she joins a host of New Rochelle movers and shakers in Glory! – Nancy Hite-Norde
Pearl C. Quarles was #HerStoric, the first African American to serve on the New Rochelle School Board and the first to serve as its President. She was also the first African-American woman to serve on the County Board of Legislators. Where it had only been Ernie Davis and Herman Keith, she joined them in 1993, fighting for underserved communities. She was that voice. While we didn’t always agree, we held mutual respect. May she Rest in Peace and Power!! – Mount Vernon Councilwoman Lisa A. Copeland
A woman of unmatched style, grace, desire, and passion to make a difference in our communities. She is the epitome of a Black Queen as she was a pioneer in breaking glass ceilings for Black Women in Westchester County by being the First Black Elected County Legislator. Her resilience, determination, and ability to be the change you want to see will always live on in those she touches. What I will most remember about her is her smile, her warm but yet firm spirit, and how she made space to impart her knowledge in those coming up behind her. A life well lived, Queen Pearl; may you rest forever in Heavenly peace. – Joanne Dunn, Executive Director of The Youth Shelter Program of Westchester
What a Magnificent Women! Pearl Quarles babysit me as a toddler, then she was my mentor as a young parent. She will always be in my heart!! Rest In Heavenly Peace!!! – Phyllis Cole-Hollis
In memory of the Honorable Pearl C. Quarles, she will forever be legendary in Westchester County. She was the first African-American woman to serve on the Westchester County Board of Legislators, and she was so much more! She was a humanitarian; her community contributions, innumerable accomplishments, wit, mentorship, dedication & love of advocacy leave a void in our communities. She was also a wonderful seamstress & sewed many of her own stylish outfits. I have the fondest memories of traveling to Albany with her many times, sharing stories & just soaking up her wisdom. As the second woman to represent my Legislative District 8, she holds an honored space on my office wall in tribute to all the women who have represented the District. I am so very glad she was one of the first to see my office with her picture on the wall when I first started serving on the Board. She’s always been a treasure to me & she will be more than missed! – County Legislator Jewel Williams Johnson
My deepest condolences to her family. Such a great role model. Thank you for paving the way – Former Mt. Vernon Comptroller Maureen Walker
My husband Damon (Hon. Damon Maher, County Legislator) and I share our most heartfelt condolences on Mother Pearl’s passing. She was a very special person to both of us. I also pass along condolences from the Executive Committee and the Board of the Inter-Religious Coalition of New Rochelle.
I am writing to share some activities and honors related to the Inter-Religious Coalition of New Rochelle (formed by a merger of the Interreligious Council of New Rochelle and the Coalition for Mutual Respect). Along with her many community leadership positions and activities, Mother Pearl was honored by the Coalition for Mutual Respect in 2009, when she was given the Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin Peacemaker Award to honor her community work. She was an active and valued member of the Coalition for Mutual Respect’s Steering Committee for many years and was a big supporter of all of the Inter-Religious Coalition of New Rochelle’s events and activities. – Deborah Maher, Vice President of The Inter-Religious Coalition of New Rochelle
Queen Mother Pearl Quarles legacy will live on for the ages. She lived life to the fullest, becoming the first African American County Legislator to serve in Westchester County. She loved her community and she especially love giving and investing in the next generations of African Americans women. I didn’t know her for a long length of time, but that never mattered to her…she didn’t hesitate to share her wisdom and knowledge with me. It was priceless. Rest well good and faithful servant. You will be missed. – MaryAnn Carr – WBWPC Greater Bedford Chapter
Pearl Quarles was such a special person to me and my family. She was always there to lend a helping hand, offer needed advice, or just check in to send her love. I know she’s in a better place, but I’m still going to miss her greatly. Rest in peace, Pearl. – Former CE Rob Astorino
It is with great sadness that we have learned of the passing of one of our longtime committee members & friend, Pearl Quarles. She was the first black woman appointed to the County Board of Legislators, & a proud Republican. A strong supporter of former County Executive Rob Astorino, she will always be remembered with fondness, great respect & love. May she rest in peace.- The New Rochelle GOP
I had the privilege of getting to know Pearl Quarles during my time with former Westchester County Executive Rob Astorino. Through her service as a legislator, a business professional, a religious leader, President of the Westchester Black Women’s Political Caucus, a leader in the New Rochelle NAACP, and myriad other roles, Pearl Quarles personified public service. She left an indelible mark on our community, on all who knew her, and she will be greatly missed. – GOP U.S. Congressman Mike Lawler (CD17)
It is with great sadness I announce the passing of a Westchester and New Rochelle legend and a beloved member of our Westchester GOP family, Hon. Pearl Quarles. Please join me in extending your prayers for Pearl and her family during this difficult time. Pearl was a true trailblazer, having been the first African-American woman elected to the Westchester County Board of Legislators and the first African-American President of the New Rochelle Board of Education. Her public service also included the President of the Westchester County Black Political Caucus and the Commissioner of the New Rochelle Youth Bureau, among so much more. A proud Republican, Pearl was a great friend and staunch supporter of former County Executive Rob Astorino, and her fame was renewed, and her legend grew in 2013 when she starred in an iconic television commercial leading up to Rob’s landslide re-election. I first became acquainted with her during my time first as a member of the New Rochelle Republican Committee and later on as New Rochelle Chairman. In the almost 30 years I knew Pearl, I could always count on her wise counsel, and I remain grateful for her years of friendship. May God Bless Pearl, and may she rest in peace. – Doug Colety, Chairman, Westchester GOP
Remembering Mrs. Pearl C. Quarles. Warmly known as “Mother Pearl” Our hearts are broken! An Angel has received her wings and went to be with the ancestors. First Westchester County Legislator, First African American President of New Rochelle Board of Education, First to be hired in a “white collar” position in Westchester County banking industry, these are just a few of her many accomplishments. Professional, Leader, Mentor, Mother, and most important of all a “Friend”. We Love you and you will be greatly Missed, we know that Heaven is rejoicing at your arrival. – Phyllis M. Shelton
I’m sorry to hear about the passing of Pearl Quarles, a true trailblazer and a beloved member of our committee. It’s truly heartbreaking to lose someone who has contributed so much to our community. As the first black woman appointed to the County Board of Legislators, Pearl’s legacy will forever inspire and empower future generations. Pearl’s dedication to her work and proud affiliation with the Republican Party made her a strong supporter of former County Executive Rob Astorino. Her contributions and unwavering support have left an indelible mark on our community. In this time of sorrow, let us remember Pearl with fondness, great respect, and love. Her achievements and the impact she made will be forever cherished. May she rest in peace, and may her spirit continue to inspire us as we strive for progress and equality. – Former Majority Leader of the Yonkers City Council Patricia Diana McDow
The Hon. Pearl C. Quarles has been like a mother to me, always standing by my side and championing causes that improve the lives of Black women, girls, and families in Westchester County and beyond. She was an inaugural Sister to Sister International board member and most recently served as a parliamentarian. Queen Mother Pearl was a trailblazer in Westchester County and beyond and will be sorely missed. May she rest in Peace and Power. – Cheryl Brannan – founder and CEO of Sister to Sister International, Inc. (STSI).
STSI saluted Pearl C. Quarles during their Pre-Mothers Day Jazz Brunch and Hat Parade to benefit their Reach for the Stars scholarship fundraiser at Julianos in New Rochelle on Sunday, May 7, 2023.
I will always remember this Queen Mother who always showed so much beautiful love and care. I love that she was unapologetically Black and did what she wanted to do and said what she wanted to say! – MV City Court Judge Nichelle Johnson
Our longtime friend and board member, the Hon. Pearl C. Quarles, was a fierce advocate for humanitarian causes and was always a cherished supporter of United Hebrew. How lucky we were to know her and have her as part of our community! A woman of many “firsts.” Her legacy extends beyond her groundbreaking achievements. A remarkable woman with a voice of importance, Pearl was a Westchester County pioneer and a community treasure. While we mourn her loss deeply, we will forever remember Pearl as a trailblazer whose pioneering spirit continues to light the way for future generations. – United Hebrew of New Rochelle statement
Miss Pearl always supported me in my endeavors in the Town of Greenburgh. She always told me to advocate for the people in Greenburgh who do not have a voice. And continue to be an activist and hold the town officials accountable. Ms. Pearl will definitely be missed, but never forgotten. Community Advocate Clifton Abrams
We celebrate the life of our dear friend. Pearl not only loved history, she MADE history! We will forever miss her infectious smile, her wisdom, that endless energy, and her friendship. Our deepest condolences to her family. Her last lecture at the Thomas Paine Cottage says it all: “A Life Well Lived”, a talk by Hon. Pearl Quarles” – The Huguenot & New Rochelle Historical Association
The Honorable Pearl Quarles was an exceptional woman who defied societal expectations. She demonstrated her excellence in the world of politics by effectively representing the interests of Black people, regardless of their political affiliations. It was truly an honor to have had the opportunity to know her. – BW Publisher Damon K. Jones
We celebrate the Life & Legacy of the Honorable Pearl C. Quarles, a true Black Westchester Legend!
So it’s that time of year again when we select our future elected officials at the ballot box. Black Westchester has compiled all the information you will need to do just that. There will be a General Election held on Tuesday, November 7, 2023, from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. The Early Voting period for the General Election is October 28, 2023, to November 5, 2023.
November 7, 2023 General Election Registration Deadlines:
October 23, 2023, is the last day change of address must be received by the Board of Elections for the General Election.
October 28, 2023, is the last day a voter registration application must be received by the Board of Elections to vote in the General Election.
November 7, 2023, General Election Absentee Voting Deadlines:
October 23, 2023, is the last day for the Board of Elections to receive applications or letters of application by mail or online portal for the general ballot. Sec-8-400(2)(c).
November 6, 2023, is the last day for an applicant or agent to apply in person at the Board of Elections for the General Election absentee ballot. Sec.8-400(2)(c)
November 7, 2023, is the last day to postmark the General Election absentee ballot by mail. The ballot must be received by the Board of Elections no later than November 14, 2023. Sec.8-412(1)
November 7, 2023, is the last day to deliver the General Election absentee ballot in person to the Board of Elections or at any poll site throughout the county, by the close of the polls on election day. Sec.8-412(1)
November 7, 2023 Military/Special Federal/UOCAVA Absentee Voters Deadlines:
October 28, 2023, is the last day for Board of Elections to RECEIVE application for Military/Special Federal/UOCAVA absentee ballot for general if not previously registered. §10-106(5) & §11-202(1)(a)
October 31, 2023, is the last for Board of Elections to RECEIVE application for Military/Special Federal/UOCAVA absentee ballot for general if already registered. §10-106(5) & §11-202(1)(a)
November 6, 2023, is the last day to apply personally for Military ballot for general if previously registered. §10-106(5)
November 7, 2023, is the last day to postmark Military/Special Federal/UOCAVA ballot for the general. The ballot must be received by board of elections no later than November 20, 2023. §10-114(1) & §11-212
For additional voting information, visit Vote411, an interactive Web site created and maintained by the League of Women Voters. The site supplies personalized ballots and polling locations simply by entering your home address.
Are you a New York State registered voter? If you are 17 years old, you may be eligible if your school district participates in a program under Education Law Section 3207-a.
Election inspector requirements:
Must be at least 18 years of age
Must be registered to vote in the County of Westchester
Hours are from 5 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. or to the close of the polls
Election inspectors receive $350 for working on Election Day, plus $25 to attend a training class and pass an exam.
Growing up on the island of Jamaica, I learned the importance of stewarding our environment from an early age. The crystal-clear waters and lush greenery that surrounded me were more than just natural beauty; they were our heritage and our responsibility.
My move to the United States was an eye-opener, as I witnessed how the environment could be treated with disregard and stark environmental disparities in various communities. I knew I needed to make a difference.
My desire to make a difference led me to join the Energy Justice Alliance (EJA). EJA is a Black-led coalition working for justice and clean energy for New York. EJA demands that our voices have a seat at the table when decisions are made about energy.
Joining EJA helped me learn about how dirty power plants hurt Black, Brown, and low-income communities. Our utility bills are unfairly high and pollution makes our air unhealthy to breathe. This is environmental injustice. Today, I serve as EJA’s Youth Advocate, where I speak to other youth about why it’s important for us to care about the earth and fight for environmental justice.
In August, I presented my story to the New Rochelle Eco Ambassadors, who spent the summer testing water samples, cleaning up polluted streams, and learning how to improve our environment. These experiences reinforce to me and other young people that the Earth is not just a floating rock; it’s a mother to all life within itself.
Then, earlier this month, I joined EJA and fellow youth activists at the March to End Fossil Fuels in NYC. Over 75,000 people took to the streets to demand that President Biden take bold action on climate change. I marched for clean air to breathe, quality jobs for our families, and a planet where our lands and oceans thrive. I marched for the young Black and Brown voices of New York like mine who are impacted by pollution. We need to close New York’s power plants and stop burning fossil fuels. Marching brought me a sense of hope.
Let’s continue to raise our voices, demand change, and work together to create a world where we can nurture our planet, just as it has nurtured us for generations. The Earth is more than a floating rock; it’s our home, our mother, and our shared responsibility. I’d like to ask you to join EJA! Together, we can build a more just, equitable, and sustainable future.
Marissa Glaze, 19, is a Mount Vernon Resident and Youth Advocate with the Energy Justice Alliance
Cover Photo: Marissa Glaze and the Energy Justice Alliance at the People vs. Fossil Fuels march (photo credit: Raya Salter)
In today’s media, intimate partner violence (IPV) is often depicted as a gendered problem, primarily affecting women. This portrayal has shaped much of our understanding of IPV, mainly through studies involving cisgender heterosexual women in relationships with men. However, it is imperative to recognize that IPV impacts individuals of all genders.
IPV encompasses any harmful action within an intimate relationship, whether in the past or present, with the potential to cause physical, sexual, or psychological harm. This comprehensive definition includes various forms of abuse, such as controlling behaviors like financial abuse, physical aggression, sexual coercion, and psychological abuse. It is crucial to stress that IPV can affect anyone, regardless of their gender, and its profound impact should never be underestimated or overlooked, irrespective of whether the victim or perpetrator is male or female. Recognizing the multifaceted nature of IPV experiences is vital in addressing this pervasive issue and providing support to all those affected.
Research has consistently shown that violence in intimate partner relationships is often reciprocal, meaning both partners engage in violent behavior. Surprisingly, women are often the initiators of such violence. Studies also reveal that women themselves acknowledge their involvement in domestic violence and are more likely to be the initial aggressors in such situations. Additionally, a significant portion of the physical harm in these conflicts is inflicted on men.
To put the statistics into perspective, researchers analyzing data from 11,370 respondents found that half of violent relationships were reciprocally violent. In non-reciprocal violence, women were the perpetrators in over 70% of cases. Shockingly, a quarter of female respondents admitted to perpetrating domestic violence, and when violence was mutual, women often initiated it. Furthermore, an analysis of 552 domestic violence studies published in the Psychological Bulletin revealed that men suffered 38% of the physical injuries in domestic violence disputes.
The American Journal of Public Health published a report in 2007, revealing that nearly 24% of all relationships had experienced some form of violence, with half being reciprocally violent. In non-reciprocal violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in over 70% of cases. This data highlights the discrepancy between the common stereotype of domestic violence and the reality.
Contrary to the prevailing stereotype that domestic violence primarily involves male perpetrators and female victims, data from sources such as the British Crime Survey and Home Office statistics tell a different story. In some years, men accounted for nearly half of all domestic abuse victims. Additionally, men have reported experiencing severe force during incidents involving their partners.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), statistics in the United States estimate that over 5.3 million men have been victims of intimate partner physical violence in the past year, compared to 4.7 million women. This study defined physical violence as slapping, pushing, and shoving. Even more concerning is that approximately 40% of the victims of severe physical violence were men. These numbers were confirmed in a 2011 CDC survey, demonstrating a consistent pattern.
Challenging the perception that victimization is primarily a female experience in Western society, some researchers argue that “intimate partner violence” may carry a gendered connotation that affects perceptions of masculinity. Some evidence suggests that when women perpetrate violence against men, it is not always perceived as abusive by men.
In a 2000 Guardian piece, Sophie Goodchild reported on a study revealing that women were likelier to initiate violence in relationships. Based on the 34,000 men and women analysis, the study concluded that women lash out more frequently than their male counterparts.
Society often reacts differently when witnessing domestic violence based on the gender of the victim. While people tend to intervene and offer help when a woman is mistreated in public, the reaction is often dismissive when a man is the victim. However, statistics reveal that men experience approximately 40% of domestic violence cases.
Consider the case of actor Jonathan Majors, whose role as Kang the Conqueror is in jeopardy due to an alleged domestic dispute. New York City Police arrested him, but his lawyers claim prosecutors have withheld evidence of his innocence. This case raises questions about why his female accuser was not arrested or charged. Men, especially Black men, are always seen as the aggressor in domestic violence or intimate partner violence incidents. This incident highlights the untold stories of many other men who lack the resources to challenge the false perception that women are always the victims of domestic violence. In the case of Johnathan Majors, there was no public outcry, no media support, and even no pressure to make sure that Disney kept him in his star-studded movie role because he was the victim, not the perpetrator.
Both men and women tend to underreport the violence they commit against their partners, while women may overreport their own and men’s acts of violence against them. Research indicates that most intimate partner violence involves both partners engaging in violent behavior. In cases of one-sided abuse, women are more likely to be the aggressors.
Over the years, research has consistently questioned the idea that women are invariably victims and men are always the aggressors in domestic violence. Studies indicate that women can be equally prone to initiating violence in relationships as men. While the physical harm caused by women may be less severe due to differences in size and strength, it’s essential to recognize that many women engage in mental and psychological abuse, which remains a significant concern. Unfortunately, today’s media, women’s magazines, and public discourse overlook this issue. Moreover, societal taboos against men using force, even in self-defense against women, add further complexity to the issue.
Regarding men as victims of domestic abuse, it’s important to understand that abuse isn’t limited to physical violence; emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse can be equally damaging. As a males spouse or partner may engage in the following behaviors:
They may verbally abuse, belittle, or humiliate him in front of others, including friends, colleagues, family members, or on social media.
They might exhibit possessive behavior, act jealous, or constantly accuse you of being unfaithful.
They could take away the man’s car keys or medications and attempt to control his movements and social interactions, dictating where he can go and who he can see.
They may try controlling his finances, overseeing how he spends money, or intentionally defaulting on shared responsibilities.
They might make false allegations about him to your friends, employer, or law enforcement or employ other manipulative tactics to isolate the man.
They may threaten to leave him and prevent him from seeing your children if he reports the abuse.
Recognizing these non-physical forms of abuse is crucial in addressing domestic abuse against men.
These findings emphasize the need to understand that domestic violence is not exclusively a gender-based problem. There is a strong call for open and fact-based discussions regarding domestic abuse in light of the prevalence of social media and other media platforms. It’s important to recognize that men are victims as well, and this should be acknowledged, particularly by women who advocate for victims. Domestic abuse affects individuals of all genders, and addressing it without bias is crucial. To combat this widespread issue effectively, we must support all domestic abuse victims, regardless of gender.
In adult behavior, there exists a phenomenon known as attention-seeking behavior, where individuals consciously or unconsciously vie for the spotlight, often in pursuit of validation or admiration from their peers. This intriguing behavior manifests in various forms, but at its core, it’s all about the yearning for attention and recognition.
Consider scenarios where someone strategically drops hints about their accomplishments, subtly angling for compliments and validation. Or you’ve encountered individuals who thrive on stirring controversy, aiming to provoke a reaction from those around them. Others might embroider their stories, amplifying details to elicit praise or sympathy. And let’s remember those who feign incompetence, hoping someone will aid or watch them in action.
But what motivates people to engage in attention-seeking behavior? The answers lie in a tapestry of emotions and psychological factors.
Jealousy, for instance, can drive individuals to crave the spotlight when they perceive others stealing their limelight. It’s a classic case of attention-seeking as a countermeasure for shifting focus back to oneself.
Self-esteem plays another pivotal role. When people feel overlooked or undervalued, attention-seeking becomes a means to reclaim a sense of importance. The attention garnered from their actions offers a reassuring sense of worthiness.
Loneliness can also serve as a powerful catalyst for attention-seeking. Those who don’t typically exhibit such behavior might succumb to its allure when grappling with isolation. Loneliness can fuel the urge to seek attention to combat feelings of solitude.
But there’s a deeper layer to this phenomenon – personality disorders. Conditions like histrionic, borderline, and narcissistic personality disorders can significantly influence attention-seeking behavior. For instance, individuals with histrionic personality disorder often feel unappreciated if they’re not the center of attention. Similarly, borderline personality disorder may drive impulsive actions to gain attention. In contrast, narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an insatiable need for admiration, often accompanied by a lack of empathy for others.
The number of adults who remain undiagnosed with histrionic, borderline, and narcissistic personality disorders is challenging to determine precisely due to factors such as underdiagnosis, stigma surrounding mental health, misdiagnosis or co-occurrence with other conditions, limited access to mental healthcare, individual variations in symptom severity and functionality, and cultural or societal influences on help-seeking behavior.
The complexity and variability of these disorders make it difficult to provide a specific estimate of the proportion of adults who may go undiagnosed. However, it is crucial to underscore the importance of seeking professional assessment and help if an individual or their loved ones suspect the presence of a personality disorder or any mental health issue, as early diagnosis and appropriate treatment can significantly improve one’s quality of life and well-being.
Relationships with individuals who have histrionic, borderline, or narcissistic personality disorders can be fraught with challenges. These disorders often bring about emotional instability, manipulative behavior, and a constant need for attention and validation. Partners may be on an emotional rollercoaster, struggling to maintain boundaries and cope with unpredictable mood swings, leading to emotional exhaustion and insecurity. It’s crucial for those in such relationships to prioritize self-care, seek professional guidance when necessary, and establish clear boundaries to navigate these complex dynamics and pitfalls effectively.
Unfortunately, relationships with individuals with these personality disorders can be emotionally taxing due to their intense emotions, manipulative tendencies, and difficulty with boundaries. Partners should recognize these challenges, prioritize their well-being, and seek support to maintain healthy and sustainable relationships.
In essence, attention-seeking behavior is a complex interplay of personal insecurities, emotions, and, in some cases, underlying psychological disorders. Understanding these motivations can provide valuable insights into why some individuals seek to be in the spotlight.
The one thing people who seek love rarely consider is that it all starts with YOU. How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? You can only expect a partner to help you if you are confident that you are worthy of love. And that’s where self-care comes into the picture.
There are so many relationships that start great and end up not so great. The reasons for that are numerous: lack of self-love, lack of emotional intimacy, lack of communication, lack of compassion, lack of affection, or a combination thereof.
However, the capacity to provide what the other person needs for emotional intimacy goes a long way toward making both you and your relationship stronger. When you genuinely love yourself, you can provide what your partner needs to feel loved, understood, and connected to you.
Many of us are so busy that we tend to neglect loving ourselves. We neglect ourselves without realizing that self-neglect causes resentment toward those whom we love in our lives who want our love and attention. What we fail to realize is the importance of putting ourselves first. No, it is not selfish. You cannot have true Black Love with anyone if you dont love yourself.
It is only possible to meet the needs of others effectively by first being balanced in our own lives. Loving yourself will not only prove to be a positive experience, but it will also improve your relationships with others.
It is only possible to meet the needs of others effectively by first being balanced in our own lives. Loving yourself will not only prove to be a positive experience, but it will also improve your relationships with others.
When we realize our needs are not being met, we become resentful and ultimately withdraw the help and support we so freely offered others. If we neglect our basic needs, we will become very quickly drained of our energy, too exhausted to spend any time on ourselves. However, by focusing on putting ourselves first, we can regain that lost energy, giving us endless vitality and love to direct toward others.
Let’s not get this twisted; loving yourself does not mean running from one person to the next, seeking some fix or adrenaline rush. No, that’s a sickness. That’s a broken conscious understanding of loving yourself, and I suggest you seek counseling.
Loving and taking better care of yourself holistically and spiritually develops the cornerstone for you to be in a holistic and spiritually loving relationship with someone else. When we are happy with the level of attention we give ourselves, our energy overflows, and we are anxious to help fulfill the needs of those around us whom we love. Unfortunately, many of us don’t even seek happiness this way; even after all the other foolishness fails, we still dismiss that real Black Love exists on a spiritual level. Everyone wins when we learn to love ourselves holistically and spiritually. I have listed the following tips to get started:
Using Prayer and Meditation to Calm Anxiety and Stress. If you feel anxious from time to time, that’s completely normal. When anxiety overwhelms you, and you have no spiritual outlook, you often take it out on the loved ones close to you. Or you might be tempted to seek solace in prescription medication, alcohol, or drugs. These methods, though, inherently bring problems of their own.
Your worries can be transformed into peace with prayer or meditation. When you start your journey toward personal peace through prayer or meditation, expect to conquer your anxiety, stress, and negative feelings. However, avoid assuming you’ll do it in one day or even a week. It took time to get where you are, and it’ll take time to get back to where you want to be.
Live a healthy lifestyle. How can we expect to accomplish great things if we cannot meet life’s most basic needs? Eat healthy by replacing excess sugar and refined foods with whole foods and lots of water. Give your body the ability to effectively burn the fuel you take in by exercising daily, thereby increasing your metabolism. Make sure to get plenty of sleep as well, as our minds do not fully function if they haven’t been allowed to recharge properly. When you do these things consistently, you will notice your attitude will change; you will see situations clearer and be more open to being loved and loving.
Expressing yourself is one of the best ways to take care of yourself mentally it frequently expresses how you feel. This can be done in several ways. Mentally, we can express ourselves on paper.
Keeping a personal journal where you can vent when needed will help keep emotions in check. Creative expression is also essential, such as allowing yourself to feel and experience a wide range of emotions in a rented movie or working on a hobby that is close to your heart. Photography and other visual arts are suitable for this. Remember, expressing ourselves creatively is as important as doing so mentally.
Lose the need to be right. Winning arguments with your partner are overrated, childish, and unhealthy. After all, what value does being right really have? Insisting that the other person agrees that you’re right and they’re wrong does nothing to increase positive feelings or strengthen the bond between you.
In a relationship with Black Love, it is not about being right, it is about reaching a goal, understanding, and a solution to a problem. It only feeds your ego, and having an ego bigger than the love of you and your partner will only lead to a destructive relationship.
Black love is being a team; stop competing with your partner. If you feel the need to be competitive with your partner, you have to recognize your own insecurity and envy. According to experts, being too competitive leads to resentment in relationships. With competition, partners view each other as rivals instead of being in love. Black Love is Teamwork, and it’s a oneness! The oneness of Black Love is mutual support and unity on multiple fronts, including finances, parenting, chores, sex, and emotional intimacy. Usually, the oneness of Black Love requires an intentional effort from both partners and a willingness to be equal and share power in all aspects of life.
Forgive your past self. Sure, you’ve made some mistakes and probably done and said a few awful things along the way. But that period of your life is over now. Why drag the past into the present? You can make a fresh start each day. Let it go.
Forgiving others. As it is important to forgive yourself, It’s just as important to learn to forgive. Holding onto grudges or resentments only hurts you. It can lead to bad moods, depression, or even health conditions. When you hold onto resentment, you allow a situation to burden the future of your relationship. Forgiveness is the right choice to make, but it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten what happened. You might even still hold someone else accountable for the wrong. With forgiveness, you’re simply deciding to move on with your life. It is your superpower to love yourself!
Please spend some time alone. To appreciate ourselves more, we should get to know ourselves better. Some may think this will have the reverse effect, but think positively! You would be surprised what becoming introspective will reveal. Discover yourself and learn to love it. Go for a scenic drive. Take a long bath. Surround yourself with music or quietly meditate. Not only will you appreciate your company more, but the relaxation will work wonders for your state of mind. Your relationships will improve if others sense your renewed energy and love of life.
Finally, F@ck Social Media, stay in your reality! Social Media can become a threat to your romantic relationship when meaning and boundaries are not clearly defined and agreed upon. As well as when couples fall into a comparison trap. Unfortunately, a growing number of us see the world through the eyes of social media. We have been culturally conditioned to believe our lives and our relationships should be like those that post we see. Comparing our lives with others can raise doubts about self-worth and our relationships and potentially lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
The key to living the life you want and finding the partner you want to share it with is learning to love yourself. Loving yourself can help you enjoy more happiness, overcome challenges, and build healthier relationships and Black Love. Make it a habit to treat yourself with kindness and respect. Keep these tips in mind to develop greater self-love, and you’ll find that great things will happen!
And I can think of many episodes I swung in Lincoln Park…
Almost 1000 people gathered in New Rochelle’s Lincoln Park for the 50th Anniversary of Hip-Hop Celebration on Saturday, September 16th. Hosted by 2 Cool, PJ Splash, and Cuzin Corn, with DJs Pro C, Scram Jones, and Jazzy Joyce on the one’s and two’s as well as a special DJ set by DJ Supreme. There were many dope live performances from Mr. Cheeks of The Lost Boyz, Smif-N-Wessun, Stunna Gang, Pretty Hoops, Capella Grey, The Rough House Surviverz, and CL Smooth just to name a few. But it was obvious who the crowd came to see. There were a whole lotta emcees on the stage that Saturday, but just as the sun set, Brand Nubian came out and showed it was their house. The crowd was thrilled to see the hometown heroes swing another episode in Lincoln Park. Shout out to Nate Adams & Lachonne Williams (SuggarPlums) for putting together a great event to celebrate this monumental year of Hip-Hop. The mural above was done by Signature Savage. I’m told this may become an annual event!
City & State Magazine included MaryAnn Carr and former Congressman Mondaire Jones, who are both candidates in the 17th Congressional District. Liz Whitmer Gereghty, who served on the Katonah-Lewisboro Board of Education in The 17th Congressional District was highly publicized after the redistricting controversy. The Democrats were accused of inauspicious attempts at gerrymandering, which didn’t just erase the political advantage the party hoped to gain before state courts stepped in to stop them and appointed Special Master Jonathan Cervas. The move led to several Democratic seats being lost, causing Dems to lose control of the House. The New York-based seats are of particular interest to House Democratic leaders, given their Biden-friendly lean and proximity to House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries’ district.
One of the fallouts of the redistricting was that former DCCC head Sean Patrick Maloney decided he would run in Mondaire’s 17th district and Mondaire decided to run for the open seat in the 10th district. Both Congressmen lost. Now former Rep. Mondaire Jones launched a comeback bid for New York’s 17th District in July, seeking to return to Congress after redistricting led to him running unsuccessfully for a different seat last year.
Jones, who was elected in 2020 and served one term, opted not to run for reelection in the 17th District in the New York City suburbs last year after one of his Democratic colleagues, Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney, decided to run in the redrawn district. Maloney, who chaired the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee last cycle, lost to Republican Rep. Mike Lawler in November. Jones faces competition for the Democratic nomination to take on Lawler, but he represented much of the district when he previously was in the House.
The race for the seat is expected to be one of the most competitive in the country next year. Biden would have won the district by 10 points in 2020, and both parties view it as a priority as they fight for control of the House.
“Growing up, I didn’t see people like me in Congress. Then I was elected to represent the same people whose homes I watched my grandmother clean,” Jones says in a video announcing his campaign. “I have never been Washington’s choice because I stand up to corruption.”
When he was first elected, Jones made history as one of the first two openly gay men of color to be elected to Congress, and he was immediately endorsed on July 5, 2020, by the LGBTQ+ Victory Fund. For the first time, Westchester County had two Black Men representing them in Congress. The other is Congressman Jamaal Bowman who unseated longtime Congressman Rep. Elliot Engel to represent CD16.
Many residents of CD-17 were sad to see Jones not run for re-election in his district. In 2020, Mondaire was elected to Congress to represent the Hudson Valley. His colleagues unanimously elected him the youngest member of House leadership, and he was named the most legislatively active freshman in Congress.
Mondaire was part of the most productive Congress in modern history. He took on the pharmaceutical companies, lowering prescription drug prices for thousands of seniors on Medicare in the Lower Hudson Valley. He negotiated the passage of the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, which is bringing tens of millions of dollars to rebuild our roads and bridges, and passed the American Rescue Plan Act, which kept our small businesses open and brought hundreds of millions of dollars to the Lower Hudson Valley for schools, housing, and health care.
Jones will face Liz Whitmer Gereghty, the Westchester County-based cousin of Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, and former Bedford Supervisor MaryAnn Carr, the only two Democrats to announce so far. City & State Magazine wrote, “MaryAnn Carr has spent the longest time in government, sitting on the Bedford Town Council since 2016, although she lacks the name recognition of her rivals.”
While Carr may not have been elected a congress member like Jones or have a well-known cousin who serves as Governor like Gereghty, we have to disagree with City & State about Carr’s name recognition in Westchester County where it matters.
Actually, until City & State Magazine included her on the list as a congressional candidate, I did not know who she was, that she was running for congress, or that she was the cousin of the Michigan Governor. Many people of color in CD-17 are just hearing her name for the first time as well. (Since this article was published in the August 15, 2023, Six-Year Anniversary Issue, City & State updated their article.)
So who is MaryAnn Carr? MaryAnn Carr made history as the first African American to serve in an elected office in local government in Bedford when she was elected in a special election on March 15, 2016, for an unexpired seat on the Town Board and elected to a full 4-year term beginning in 2018. MaryAnn was sworn in as Town of Bedford Supervisor, on Wednesday, January 6, 2021, after Chris Burdick’s election to the New York State Assembly created a vacancy in the seat of the Bedford Supervisor.
At their organizational meeting, the Bedford Town Board appointed Town Councilperson and Deputy Supervisor MaryAnn Carr to the position of Supervisor to fill out the term. She became the first and only African American to serve as Supervisor in Westchester County and only the second Black Female to run a municipality in the history of Westchester.
Before her historic appointment, Ms. Carr had a long tenure working on the Bedford Democratic Committee. She continues her long history of working hard to support the many community organizations in the Town of Bedford.
As former Chair of the Bedford Democratic Committee and the current First Vice-Chair of the Westchester County Democratic Committee, MaryAnn has always been dedicated to inclusivity and progress. Her councilwoman and Supervisor tenure in Bedford spurred transformative community change.
Some of MaryAnn’s notable achievements include leading the charge to elect the first Latino to the Bedford Town Board and the first woman of color to the Bedford Central School Board. During her tenure on the Town Board, twelve new affordable homes were built, and sewers were installed in the business districts of the two hamlets of Bedford (Bedford Hills and Katonah), one of the largest projects ever undertaken by the Town. She has been an avid supporter of criminal justice reform and founded the Town of Bedford Prison Advisory Committee, the only such committee known that advises local and state governments on prison relations matters. She made it a priority to recruit and appoint diverse members to serve on local committees, boards, and commissions where there had been a lack of diversity.
She has also been active in Bedford community organizations for many years: Town Board Liaison to Recreation and Parks, Planning Dept., Town Court, Bedford Central School District (BCSD), Chair, Community Organizations Committee, Active Parent Volunteer in Bedford Central School District (BCSD), Committee Member of Bedford 202 Food Forum, Board Member of Rehabilitation Through the Arts, member of the Bedford Antioch Church engaged in outreach programs for the Community Center in Katonah, and volunteering in a leadership role in the Gala Annual Event for the Martin Luther King Scholarship for Youth.
As far as name recognition, Carr can be seen at various Democratic events throughout the county and is well known for her support of various Democratic candidates and her work with the Westchester Black Women’s Political Caucus (WBWPC). It was her vision that helped her establish a Greater Bedford Chapter of the WBWPC for the northern part of the county.
When Democrat MaryAnn Carr threw her hat in the ring for the 17th Congressional District, she announced her candidacy to News 12’s Tara Rosenblum.
“I’m excited to be in this race. I think I bring a lot to the table,” she told Tara.
In her first interview as a candidate, the former Bedford Town Council member told News 12 why she decided to throw her hat in the ring in the hotly contested race that helped the Republicans flip control of the House last year.
“The reason I’m running is because I just feel like people like myself, who are working middle class, are not meeting the moment,” said the single working mom and a Westchester County information technology director.
While this has the feel of a heavily contested contest with a potentially crowded cast of candidates, this has been Black Westchester’s First Look at the 2024 17th Congressional District Race. Stay tuned to Black Westchester for further updates on the list of candidates!
