Growing up in Trinidad in the early 1960’s, remembering and reflecting being just about six (6)
or seven (7) years old and thrusted with an enlightenment that would forever bear impact on my
life and sense of self.
One evening after school, my Granny (paternal grandmother) called me into the living room
where she was sitting. She addressed me by her favorite way of calling my name – RaeRae,
and said that she wanted to talk to me. I was still in school uniform. Granny sat me on her lap,
held me close to her, with her hands holding mines. With her soft, yet stern voice, her caring
eyes fixed on mine, she said – ” I want you to listen to me. You have to promise me that you will
learn your lesson.” She went on to say -” Your sister, your cousins are all light skinned and you
are the darkest of all.” (Granny named each of the light colored grandchildren within more or
less age range which were five at the time). She continued – “They will get jobs because of their
color, but you RaeRae, you have to have the education; it is only education that will get you a
job and take you places.” Granny identified the banks as an example of where I definitely could
not work, and sister and cousins could. I quietly listened as I was being informed, advised and
made aware that I was different. My grandmother had armed me mentally. Oh,Granny even
made me promise her that I would become a doctor.
Reflecting that the one-on-one with Granny was her clever way of introducing me to the harsh
reality of life, the world in which we were living, and what she felt that I needed to do in order to
succeed being dark skinned. Also remembering how Granny responded to an individual who
questioned my ability for constantly doing well while attending elementary school. She took to
my defense responding- “What you are born with, no one can take from you.” Powerful yes!
Impactful, yes! My grandmother again cleverly reinforced my drive and my determination to
keep up the hard work. Actually, her response was a form of empowerment for me. She
definitely wanted me to know that I had the ability to succeed despite being the one with the
darkest skin. Additionally, she wanted me to also know that I was born with worth. From my
perspective, it was not color or shade that would define my success or who I was. Knowing my
worth, believing in myself and my ability, in combination with my education would clearly define
my success, jobs, opportunities, sense of pride, sense of status and much more.
While in High School in the early 70’s, almost a decade into post-colonization and the island’s
independence, where every creed and race should find an equal place, the “Black Power/Black
is Beautiful” movement came into force. The emphasis of such was meant to have impact on
systemic colorism for darker skinned individuals and more so, nationals to be inclusive in
positions generally held by whites and high colored individuals. Granny fortunately lived through
this era and was able to see some of the changes.
Driven to achieve, I graduated from Secondary and High Schools with ten (10) Ordinary level
subjects. Instead of a congratulatory greeting, my ability was again questioned by the “not so
pleased” family who asked – “Don’t you have enough, how much more do you want?” My
internal interpretation of the question was – how dare I achieve so much with my skin color and
the others lighter skinned could not? Speechless, I did not respond. I also knew that I had to
respect my elders. Thanks to Granny, I was not to be broken. With a strong sense of conviction,
I was not about to feel guilty regarding my ability and my accomplishments. I am remembering
the many sleepless nights, the studying with candles when lights were gone, the after-school
group studies, the weekend study groups, the rigorous self-discipline, the ongoing support from
both my parents, and of course the prayers that it took to accomplish and achieve at that time. I
stood steadfast and focused on my education as my grandmother had instructed.
Yes, Granny was around when I got that first job with the Ministry of National Security prior to
high school graduation. A couple of months later, I was transferred to the Office of the Prime
Minister and worked there briefly before migrating to the US.
I attended a two – year Community college, obtained my Associate degree, and was awarded
the College prestigous Key Award. Actually, both my sister and I were awarded such honor.
Additionally, I received the Alliance Francaise medal for outstanding performance in my French
class. Noting here, that above all odds, I was informed that I was the first Black to place and be
first runner-up in the College Homecoming Queen contest.
Education continued to be first and foremost on my mind while attending my 4 year college in
NY. I made a clear decision and reminded myself that I came to the US to study and obtain an
education. So I went from full make up to plain Jane at the end of the first week of my freshman
year to focus on my education.
Acknowledging that my grandmother’s early “ism” seeding made quite an impact on my life. Her
valuable input remained ingrained and prepared me for the reality in a world of
“oppressiveisms”(TM), where the struggle for equality continues to this day and where the belief
in oneself is so important to overcome and achieve. Colorism continues to exist in families and
impact lives with varying degrees. Still, so thankful and feeling very blessed that Granny took
the time and applied a teachable moment at such a crucial point and age that positively helped
shape my life direction.
My dear grandmother transitioned in 1980, just a few months after having obtained my
Bachelor’s Degree. Yes, she was so very proud to see a copy of the degree. Remembering
trying to translate the Latin for her. Noting that I did promise Granny that I would be a doctor as
her heart desired. However, there were different life career callings. I can safely say that my
career span as a clinician/LCSW-R involved touching numerous lives and helping to heal many
wounds. Granny, wherever you are in the universe, I am certain that you would know that your
“ism” lecture was not in vain.
Months after receiving my first degree, I decided to spend some time teaching. It was one of the
most rewarding career I experienced. I strongly believe that teachable moments should be as
active as possible. As a matter of fact, nieces and nephews that are close to me would generally
say – “Oh boy, there goes another lecture.” Yes, Auntie Rae always provides a lecture, always
seeking teachable moments to impart knowledge. That firm conviction started early in life.
Education yes, is key. Believing in yourself, knowing that you have worth, being empowered,
remaining goal-focused and prayerful are all vital to success. No matter your skin color.
Please note that this introductory writing piece is not to be taken as the whole. There are many
other areas of my life where colorism has impacted and not disclosed in this segment.
rootoutoppresiveisms (TM)
racism
sexism
heterosexism
classism
ageism
ableism
shadeism aka #colorism
And all other “isms” that meet the criteria.
Acknowledging that – ” No one is equal until all are equal.”
