There has been a recent push back to Paster T.D. Jakes, Bishop of The Potter’s House in Dallas, Texas, delivered a Father’s Day message titled “Real Men Pour In.”
A sound bite of the lecture has taken life on social media where Jakes says that many societal woes can be attributed to the fact that “we are raising up women to be men.”
I watched TD Jakes’s Fathers Day lecture, and as a Black man, he put many things in perspective Biblically that I have previously written about. To have proper relationships and black love, we need the Black man to be in his Divine Masculine for the Black woman to be in her Divine Feminity.
Many women spoke out against the quote without proper understanding of the lecture and knowledge of the Bible. I have asked many of them personally, who openly disagreed, whether they heard the entire lecture, and many admitted that they didn’t but didn’t see any need to watch it, so I declined to have further discussion on the issue.
Are we at the point in our society that Black men must be silenced when speaking openly about the divine spiritual duality between Black Men and women? It is easy to cancel a person, but you cannot cancel the universe’s natural order.
TD Jake’s Fathers Day lecture was not about women but about men needing to see their value in this world and be the men needed for their family and community.
“Real men are not a deficit,” TD Jakes said at the beginning of his message. “Real men are an asset. They pour in.”
If you say you’re a Christan, you say you’re spiritual. Suppose you also say you believe in the Bible. In that case, we will agree and submit that the role of men and women is distorted in today’s society according to your religion, your spirituality, and your holy book. TD Jakes argued that sin entered the world because Adam broke “the divine order” of creation by allowing Eve to lead him.
“If Adam had not allowed Eve to pour into him, sin would have never come into the world. Sin came into the world because Adam broke the order,” Jakes said. “We were not designed to receive from women.”
“Your self-esteem is compromised when you have to ask your wife for lunch money,” Jakes continued. “I’m not saying you gotta be rich. I’m not saying that you gotta be famous. I’m saying that you have got to be the one who pours in, not the one who takes out. When Adam started eating out of his wife’s hand, sin came in, because the divine order was broken.”
“Women, be careful about pouring too much into us,” TD Jakes warned. “We are designed to pour into you. And you are designed to take what we pour into you and increase it and make it better. You increase it, you appreciate it, and you multiply it.”
In my book, The 53 Building Blocks to be a Divine Black Masculine, I talk about the Abnormal behavior that has taken over what we call a Black culture. As Black men, we have forgotten divine instincts to protect our women, children, family, and elderly. Therefore, toxic masculine individuals can take advantage of the situations within our community through crime, violence, and abuse of women.
“This breaks all sociological orders of the culture that we’re living in now, because we are raising up women to be men,” Jakes said.
Toxic Black Masculinity has become the norm because more Black women look to the toxic or the “Bad Boy” instead of the Divine.
Biologically speaking, women look to men for support, and individuals who display toxic masculine traits do not set an excellent example for other men or women.
When an unjust society destroys the masculine and feminine duality by substituting Black Culture with ignorance and toxicity, we look to external authority figures to provide the resources.
The result is what we see now, an over-reliance on the government. Individualism is prioritized over a sense of the Divine Black family or the Black community. Our society and culture have further removed from nature and the bombarded through media and music in the form of toxic masculinity and feminity, not divinity. Then there is an unhealthy balance of Masculine and feminine relationships.
In his speech, TD Jakes addresses our current societal imbalance; TD Jakes said, “And you are not applauded for your femininity. You are applauded in the contemporary society by how tough, rough, nasty, mean, aggressive, hateful, possessive you are. And you are climbing the corporate ladder, but we are losing our families.”
“I know you can buy your own car. I know you can buy your own house. But until you create a need that I can pour into, I have no place in your life. So stop coming home bragging to me about how much you don’t need me and wonder why I shy away,” TD Jakes said. “The conversation has become, ‘Let’s prove to the men how dispensable they are.’ And it is borne out of pain, because we hurt you, and betrayed you, and lied to you, and cheated to you. And you became like you became out of pain.”
“That which is borne out of pain is the way you cope with disorder,” TD Jakes argued. “Insist for better out of me rather than replacing me.”
I often hear how women say there are no good men out there. Why would any woman have an issue with what TD Jakes said? The need for the man to think healthy spiritually and physically is a vital aspect of a family: As we look at the current unhealthy state of our communities, we have to wonder what was the relationships of these children with their parents. But to have that man in his masculinity, women also need to be in their femininity.
TD Jakes argued that even apart from the Genesis account, Christians can understand from an anatomical perspective that men were created to “pour in.”
“Life begins when men pour in,” TD Jakes said. “We were designed to pour in…As it is in the physical, so it is in the spiritual.”
“[Men] are not indifferent. They’re not deaf. They’re not tone deaf. They’re not emotionally detached,” Jakes said. “Pouring in is not just about money. You’re not just a father because you sent a check.”
TD Jakes then said that children who aren’t poured into by their fathers are “damaged.”
A young girl or boy’s relationship with their father is a blessing of God. A father’s role in his daughter’s life significantly influences her relationship with men when she becomes an adult. The father is the first example to a child of what it means to be in a romantic relationship, communication, conflict resolution, support, and love.
From the birth of a son, the father plays an essential role in molding his life. He becomes his friend, guide, teacher, and best companion throughout his son’s childhood. He constantly shares valuable lessons with his son and guides him in the right direction.
When we pour love into our Children, they strive to make their fathers proud, and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it dramatically affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence.
TD Jakes also spoke from a woman’s perspective towards men, “While we appreciate the check and your anatomical flow until we get your emotional flow, there will always be a deficit.”
As men, we must understand that there are things we must give up on to meet our spouse’s and family’s needs. The sacrifices you will make for your family are minimal compared to the reward of living in a happy home. Hobbies or interests are still important but not as crucial as your responsibilities to your mate and children.
Black men are more religious than white men but tend to be more spiritual than white women. According to a report by the Pew Research Center, Black women tend to be more religious than Black men – Black men are still a highly religious group. The report also states that Black men are more religious than Hispanic men and at least as religious as Hispanic women on several key indicators of religious observance.
Approximately seven in ten (69%) Black men say religion is essential to them, compared with 80% of Black women. But Black men place more importance on religion than white women (55%) and Hispanic women (65%).
Black people attend more church, but statistics show a steady decline in the Black family structure in America. The share among Black children who live with married parents is markedly lower—36% of Black children live with married parents. Compared to Asian children (85%) today who live with two married parents, as is the case for most white children (74%) and Hispanic children (61%). The Black family has become an endangered species, and nobody gives a damn.
TD Jakes continued to speak on the broken consciousness of men and women that we can sometimes be better fathers than husbands and women can sometimes be better mothers than wives.
Before condemning trying to cancel, to which I dont think TD Jakes cares. We live in a time when some will push back even on clergy if they publicly disagree with our current toxic social constructs, which has an adverse effect on Black family life and survival. I am not a member of his church, but Some truths need to be talked about without the threat of being canceled by this perverted cancel culture.
White Western Society’s social conditioning has created unhealthy Black Masculine and Feminine energy to the point that Black men and Black women are toxic towards each other. It’s crucial for the survival of the Black community– men and women – to tap into our duality, be open to the dialog of our brokenness, and the path to healing and preserving the Black family.