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Black Love Series: Black Love is Emotional Comfort

When you are in a relationship, you will share disappointments and setbacks in life. To work your way through it as a couple working toward optimum Black Love, you must be willing and able to give emotional comfort to each other. 

Emotional comfort is defined as pleasant, positive feelings, a state of relaxation, and an optimistic approach to life, where a person feels happy and is high in spirits. Emotional comfort is associated with minor physical discomfort.

Sometimes, we struggle to find the appropriate words or gestures to express our concern for our loved ones. If our efforts backfire, it might make the situation more complicated. We might even pull away because we feel overwhelmed by the situation and the issues we deal with. 

Our experiences shared disappointments and setbacks in our relationships; giving and receiving emotional comfort can still be awkward if we are not taught. Because many Black men and women have never been taught, we struggle to find the appropriate words or gestures to express our concerns, even though we have many opportunities to practice.

Part of Black love is knowing how to give your partner emotional comfort when they need your compassion, love, and kindness when going through challenging times. 

For Black men, this is not you being a simp or a wimp; this is being a man. This is what God has made for when you honor and respect your woman. For Black women, this is not you being less than women; you being in your feminity to comfort and console your man. This is also what God made you for. 

Giving and receiving emotional comfort benefits both your relationship and you individually. 

  • Being in a supportive relationship brings you closer to your partner. It helps you establish a deeper level of intimacy and trust. It deepens your relationship. Being able to rely on your partner’s support and compassion is essential in overcoming future challenges in a healthy atmosphere.
  • Emotional support from your partner gives the feeling that you are loved, cared for, and accepted for who you are. It contributes to your mental health. Likewise, when your partner lacks emotional support, they will feel undeserving of love, believing that they are the reason behind this, further reflecting their self-esteem.
  • As an essential aspect of mental health, emotional support is critical to overcoming severe problems in life. Receiving Emotional Comfort gives you the strength to overcome serious problems. Having a partner who supports you fully emotionally will help you deal with immense grief or effectively relieve stress and anxiety. 
  • Receiving emotional comfort will encourage your partner to go after their personal goals in life. It helps you achieve your personal goals. Lacking emotional comfort and building support can encourage you to go after your personal goals and work on yourself. If you lack emotional support, you can also lack confidence and determination to go after what you want and need. An emotionally supportive partner will believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.

Tips on Giving Comfort

When misfortune strikes someone you care about, it can be just as stressful as if it was happening to you directly. Remember that even if you feel helpless, your presence alone may reassure a friend or family member in need.

Use these strategies when you wish to comfort someone:

1. Assess your relationship. Different situations require different ways of providing comfort. In addition to thinking about the nature of your relationship, consider your capacity and the temperament of others.

2. Listen closely. Pay attention to their body language as well as their words. Trying to understand the needs of others will help you to figure out what to do next.

3. Validate their feelings. Letting someone know that their feelings matter and helping them to feel accepted usually provides welcome relief. While you’ll provide deeper validation to a family member or close friend, you can find something sincere to say in almost any situation.

 4. Offer sympathy. Ask yourself if someone seems to be looking for compassion rather than advice. You can share a kind word even if you cannot fix their troubles.

5. Encourage. Maybe your friend is ready for a pep talk and reassurance. If they’re receptive, start brainstorming solutions and look forward to happier times.

6. Stay focused. You may be affected by someone else’s losses, or they may remind you of your fears. While comforting others, keep them and their needs foremost in your mind.

7. Maintain boundaries. It may be okay to share your story and opinions as long as you remember that others are responsible for making their own decisions. Also, if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed by someone else’s tribulations, it could be a sign that you need to step back.

8. Suggest counseling. You can guide someone toward other resources even when you cannot help them yourself. If you’re close to someone and they seem open to the idea, suggest professional therapy.

Tips on Receiving Comfort

There are many reasons why you may resist consolation even when you need it most. Remember that accepting help from others benefits them too. You’re allowing them to know the joy of giving.

These techniques can help you accept comforting gestures:

    1. Examine your beliefs. Are you afraid of appearing vulnerable, or do you feel unworthy of generosity? Adjusting your attitude can make it easier to accept feedback and assistance.

    2. Ask for help. Practice telling others what you need. You’ll be more likely to fulfill your wishes and make it easier for those around you to decide what to do.

    3. Be gracious. As long as someone is being sincere, appreciate their generosity. Genuine caring is valuable even when it lacks any poetry.

    4. Pay it forward. Sometimes we’re so uncomfortable with receiving that we try to pay others back instantly. Try simply appreciating what they’ve done for you. You’ll find a natural opportunity in the future to do a similar favor for someone else.

Reach out to your loved one and be grateful when they do the same for you. Giving emotional comfort is part of Black Love and being in love while understanding that hardships are a part of life. However, when a Black man and woman in love share emotional support, it reduces some of the stings.


About Damon K. Jones (238 Articles)
Damon K. Jones is an Activist, Author, and Publisher of Black Westchester Magazine, a Black-owned and operated newspaper based in Westchester County, New York. Mr. Jones is a Holistic Health Practitioner, First Aid in Mental Health Practioner, Diet, and Nutrition Advisor, and Vegan, Vegetarian Nutrition Life Coach. Mr. Jones is a 31 year Law Enforcement Practioner, New York Representative of Blacks in Law Enforcement of America. Mr. Jones has been a guest commentator on New York radio stations WBLS (107.5 FM), WLIB (1190 am), WRKS (98.7 FM), WBAI (99.5 FM), and Westchester's WVOX (1460 am). Mr. Jones has appeared on local television broadcasts, including Westchester News 12 “News Makers” and Public Television “Winbrook Pride. You can now hear Damon every Wednesday at 830 AM on WFAS 1230 AM, Morning with Bob Marone Show.
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