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Black Love Series: Understanding Love Languages

Black Love Is the Art of Communication Part 2

Everyone needs to feel loved. Knowing how you enjoy being loved and how to love others properly is vital. How can you deepen your relationship to such an emotional level? One of the critical keys to developing and maintaining such a relationship is understanding the language of love. What is this language, and how can you master it? Simply speaking, it’s loving communication. A doctor named Gary Chapman became famous when he came out with a book called The Five Love Languages.

There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you’ve figured out what your partner’s love language is, you’ll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.

For example, let’s say that your partner often likes to hear the words “I love you.” Even though they know that you love them, hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love. Still, at the same time, it’s not their personal preference of how they like to receive love.

Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women.

Women often feel the most loved by men in their lie when he tells her she’s beautiful, lets her know how much he appreciates her efforts around the house and tells her she’s a great mother and partner. Don’t just offer up hollow praise, though – make it specific to her, be genuine, and don’t just focus on physical appearance.

Love languages create an emotional connection that is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between men and women that goes beyond physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, understanding your and your partner’s love languages helps you connect on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.

Love Languages Explained

1. Verbal Lovers. Like the example above, some people like to hear gestures of love such as “I love you” and “I appreciate everything that you do.” You’ll want to provide

* Try verbalizing your appreciation in some way each day. * Don’t assume your partner knows what you’re thinking and feeling – speak up!

2. Time Well Spent. One of the love languages has to do with spending quality time with your partner. This doesn’t mean just casual conversation; it means the times when your partner is your primary focus. If your partner enjoys the quality time, here are some things to consider:

* Choose a specific time each day or week where you’re entirely dedicated to your partner. This means you need to shut off the TV, put down the paper, and take some away from the kids.

* Think of activities you can do together to connect.
* Make sure you have a good relationship with yourself; it’s the only way you can genuinely connect with your partner.

3. The Gift Giver. Another love language is where your partner may enjoy giving and receiving gifts. This isn’t because they’re greedy; they’re visual people who enjoy seeing proof of your deepening relationship. If you’re with this type of partner, try these tips:

* Even if you’re a big saver, make an effort to spend at least a little money or make some homemade or handmade gifts. * Leave loving cards and notes for them.
* Don’t give gifts every day, but provide meaningful gifts.

constant encouragement for this type of person, never letting things go unsaid.

4. The Chores. Since many things need to get done around the house, it often causes problems when you figure out who’s doing what. We can’t forget the chores when it comes to a language of communication between partners. Keep these tips in mind:

* Everyone has different chores that they deem essential. * Figure out which ones your partner doesn’t enjoy and do them.
* Chores involve thinking ahead, which your partner will certainly appreciate.

5. Physical Affection. Physical affection and love language can get complicated. Expressing your love physically doesn’t only mean lovemaking. It involves simple touches too. Each partner will usually have some opinion when it comes to this language:

* Figure out which touches your partner enjoys; it may be a gentle rub of their shoulders or some cuddling while watching television.
* This is equally important; figure out which touches irritate your partner.

* Get to know your partner’s moods, so you know when to express physical affection.

The Combination

Your partner will likely speak a specific combination of these love languages. As your relationship deepens, you’ll get to know your partner better and better. It may even help to discuss the topic of love languages with your partner to understand each other better.

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About Damon K. Jones (240 Articles)
Damon K. Jones is an Activist, Author, and Publisher of Black Westchester Magazine, a Black-owned and operated newspaper based in Westchester County, New York. Mr. Jones is a Spiritual Life Coach, Couples and Family Therapy Coach, Holistic Health Practitioner, First Aid in Mental Health Practioner, Diet and Nutrition Advisor, and Vegan, Vegetarian Nutrition Life Coach. Mr. Jones is a 32-year Law Enforcement Practioner New York Representative of Blacks in Law Enforcement of America. Mr. Jones has been a guest commentator on New York radio stations WBLS (107.5 FM), WLIB (1190 am), WRKS (98.7 FM), WBAI (99.5 FM), and Westchester's WVOX (1460 am). Mr. Jones has appeared on local television broadcasts, including Westchester News 12 "News Makers" and Public Television "Winbrook Pride. You can now hear Damon every Wednesday at 830 AM on WFAS at 1230 AM, Morning with Bob Marone Show.
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